Dear Diary,

What I have realized is that most of my posts, well okay, almost all of them are about being happy. How it slowly sneaked up on me. And I feel like I haven't been 100% honest neither with you who reads this nor with myself. Almost nothing in this journey of self-discovery "Just happened"! I have bad days too, painful realizations, kicks in the stomach, shameful experiences. Once in a while something incredible happened and it helped to set things in motion, but so those the bad things.
In all this time I haven't been writing I have been dealing with life's not so pleasant reality. I have been chasing the meaning of life or it was chasing me, depends from which side it looks. So I could confess now...
About the time I went to LV for my vacation and came back home and visited bank to find out how much money I had on my bank account (since I have to start paying for my driver's license) I had to sit on my ass and think about my life. For over 6 months I have been telling everybody that I'm thinking about going to Canada at the end of the year. That's what my 10 year old dream requires.
But to honest I hadn't really started to plan anything. Hadn't started anything or finished for that matter. Something always holds me back. I'm kind a like floating around, thinking that I have a goal to fallow. But do I?
A friend of mine told me that: "Canada it's not a matter of if, it is more like when!" It eased my mind yesterday when I was having a really bad day. I'm starting to wonder that if everything happens for a  reason- why am I still here? When I came to Denmark I came for a half a year and now I've been here soon for two. And in the meantime it grows on me.
Would it be wrong to want to stay longer? Wouldn't I betray my dream?

Emily