We are family!

So this weekend is the Open day in Helgstrand dressage. For the last three days we have been scrubbing, washing and cleaning. We have gone trough to all the possible stages that a team can go through on its way to a big event that’s been held at home. I know it because it isn’t the first for me. With a different set of people I have went through endless hours of painting and cleaning and even flower bedding (And if you think that it is funny think twice I hated flowers for weeks). These kinds of events really bring people together- mold the team. Today I realized that I have the opportunity to work with one of the best teams in top level stables and see past the Professional veneer. Today everything was working like a ticking clock. I’m truly amazed- we are a more than a team- we are a family! :) 

Never the same!

Dear diary,

I have been taking care of Lote’s Happy Luiss for this week. Yesterday we had this awesome two hour walk in the forest. Today I just jumped on my rider’s private 3 year old he hasn’t ridden outside once and I dared to walk Happy alone on the field with long reins. I know for most of folk’s it might sound ridiculous. But when you have had this really bad experience with one horse and then wrapped yourself up in a cocoon where playing safe dominates it is a big deal. I felt like myself again the person who could jump up on all kinds of stupid horses and just do what was supposed to be done.

This journey abroad has given me an opportunity to deal with the past’s skeletons, to overcome some of my fears. Now I feel like the last step to a fool recovery could be my riding. During the last few years saying no have became more and more easy. Being afraid is a lot easier. Playing safe too. But the trick is that you miss out on so much.

Today we walked with Lote and one of her sentences got to me. After my black gelding and our failures I will never be the same. „But you shouldn’t be the same!” That’s what Lote told me. So simple. It got me thinking. Life doesn’t happen to give you an opportunity for no reason. I never really got over thinking that changing my mare for my black gelding was a big mistake. I don’t regret it but it was a mistake. What if it wasn’t? What if this experience had to change me in this drastic way and I’m yet to discover all it has brought to me.

I would like to say that it have made me stronger when indeed I felt more scared than ever. Maybe the whole point is to reconstruct my confidence, my feeling on the horse. Maybe this baby step that comes in my way is a way of really getting up. And my desperate attempts to be who I was before that is pointless because I shouldn’t be the same anymore. The movie Soul surfer comes to my mind. The girl so desperately focused on the fact that she will never be the same that she couldn’t see from the beginning that she doesn’t have to. Instead she had an opportunity to do things differently and embrace more people with her one arm that she could ever had with two.

I didn’t lose an arm, I lost my confidence. And I will never be the same! And for the first time in a very long time I think it is a good thing! :)  

In photo: Me and Happy!

One step at the time...

Dear diary,
So I just finished my second assaignment for school. The task was to write a feature based on the magazine I was analyzing. So I desided to write about something I know really well and people haven't really talked about- therefore work abroad.
I have been living and working as a groom outside my home country for nearly 2 years. And I wonder what happens in our heads? There is a wide set of emotions we get to go through every day. What is the difference between me back in 2010 and me today?
2 years ago I was that shy girl who get to be tossed around in the stables and not fully trusted. I slaved my ass off. I spend 2 long months patiently keeping my mouth shut. Grooming then was everything I imagined it NOT to be. Now imagine my dissapointment! But I wasn't to give up.
People sometimes think it is so much different from riding when in reality apple doesn't fall far from the three. Groom has to build his competence and knowlage one step at a time. We have to be patient and we have to take care of everything. I used to think everybody can be a groom but it is far from truth. Today I have worked my way up to a top level stable. And only now I understand that just like your horse wont jump 1.40 m straight away or won't be able to make flying changes on two temps in a split second you wount be trusted and coun't as a professional. You will have to work your ass off. The same way we all do. And there will be sucrifacies But note that in the end it all just pays off.
So I'm good to go and have a nice walk with Happy!:)

well hidden desires...

Dear Diary,

I’ve been a little bit fallen off the map and for that I’m really sorry but this week has been sucking the life out of me. With a little to sleep and the third week passing by without a weekend off- I was quite lifeless. My best friend basically bagged me to go hacking with her at the weekend for three days. I wasn’t sure. So it just happened that I also could go on Friday to walk around with a very nice semi-sized mare. With three and a half months without riding, more than 1 and a half year not hacking and been in dressage saddle only few times- I felt like losing my virginity- awkward, inexperienced and little bit painful.

Today still not sure if it is such a good idea to go hacking into the woods I crawled up on the same sweet horse. I felt better. I hadn’t been riding together with my best friend since my first year in Denmark and we used to ride together every day. It was fun but when we got into the woods. I remembered- the feeling well hidden in the back on my mind. I remembered how much I love riding and hacking. My legs still tried to adjust but my body and mind relaxed with every step. So, that’s what I have been missing out!

And now I feel like the life had got into me, like I’m back in the horse world again, because to be honest I kind a put myself more in my writing world than in my horse world. And that just might give me the perfect scene in my book „The way back home!”

Hopefully it will be good enough to see daylight one day..!

Cheers and I wish you all the best times with your horses!:)

Photo my ex- horse. Photo by linda m photography...

Longings...

Dear Grooms diary,

There have been some changes in my life. Well, for starters I have moved across Denmark. Yup that’s right- me, my best friend 4 enormously big suitcases and 5 hour trip in train. That was after I had my 1 week vacation back in Latvia which is a whole different story from todays. Today I want to talk about longings. And by the way I’m grooming for dressage now.

I was excited to try something new. My excitement lasted only for few weeks since I realized that grooming for dressage is pretty much the same as show jumping, however, I did learned some new things and I keep doing that. What is different? It is much higher attitude towards horses and your work, there are a lot more horses and lot more to think and take care of. Horses come and go. Team stays consistent which is something different from what I had seen working in Belgium. I like it.

The story today is about longings for your own horse. Since this temptation to have one again takes me over more often. When I was 16 I wanted a horse so badly that I would do anything to get it and despite my father’s protests I saved up money and I got my horse and all the responsibility and troubles that came within. I shared some fantastic moments and it is an experience I will savor forever and I do not regret. But I will not argue that my desidions made life so much harder and heartache richer. So here comes what I have learned:

1.       Do think about money! Horse takes a lot of it. When I was a kid I saw it simple- hardest is to buy a horse, but that is not quite true. Bills you will get for stabling, extra food, blacksmiths, competitions and the worst of all vets can become a life sucking monster. The best way to know it- if you can afford this fantastic creature is to calculate your maximum expanses and then add a 100. This amount you should have on all times just for your horse. I’m telling this based on fact that there are horses that needs a lot of extra food or vet checks and if you cannot provide it you might end up in big heartache when your beloved animal is skinny, unhappy and worst of all unhealthy.

2.       Be sure you have the time. Time is essential since your own horse is like your child – it needs attention, care, daily ridings and paddock time. It would be sad if one day you realize that someone else is riding your horse more than you for lack of time and you end up paying for it. Is it really worth it? 

3.       The last but not least important thing would be making sure you by the horse you need. The biggest mistake I did when I bought my first horse was I had no clue what I really wanted and frankly neither did I care as long as it was my own horse. I ended up with a young hobby horse, when in reality I needed an experienced competition partner. Be wise- choose good!

4.       BE sure you have an Access to a trainer. Maybe you feel experienced enough but the truth is that everyone needs a trainer once in a while. Unlimited access can help you towards your goals.

                                                                                                                         

There are more on theme „owning a horse” but these are things I remind myself whenever I’m eager to jump pin this train again. I will one day first I have to stand on my two feet, have my own place, consistent income and time for my partner.

So tomorrow I’m going to see what the buzz around Herning stallion show is.http://www.danishwarmblood.org Make sure to check out next week how it went!

white frost and heart full of hot chocolate

A cup of coffee and some Christmas cookies whit Emily and her Big Big World as a background is a perfect end of a day. Day that started with mumbling over my alarm, a headache and no understanding of why on earth I am so tired if went to bed at ten turned out to be a very good one. I did so much and things just went… It was a pleasant change after my two bad day session from which Friday was a definite ‘left leg out of bed’ day.

I had to turn my works around and start with clipping instead of box cleaning. I managed to clip two horses which is the biggest and most satisfying work of the day. My little striver was striver with the big s! He left me speechless by standing so still and nice while I was clipping. I remembered the last year, when he was more of seaweed than anything else (and I wasn’t even clipping the legs). I am so proud of him.

All day long there were people but nobody seemed to get in my way of doing things and it was quite relaxing. I started to teach my baby horses to stand with the blankets. They are growing up- few weeks from now they will be clipped and wrapped up in blankets, shivering when the cold November wind will caught them unprotected. So much done today and so much to do- the never ending story. But it sets a rest in my soul. I still remember a simple picture from a book somebody gave me on my graduation ceremony in middle school with hot-air balloons and a quote that was something like: “Always dream big, set your aims high so you will always have something to live for, to work for” Humans biggest fear is to stop dreaming and reach their aim that wasn’t that high and have nothing left. I fear the day All my dreams come true- my life will end. That’s why I choose things that can always be brought further ahead. And just like that day I still everyday thank God for so much to do. It is a blessing.

Meline’s third place with Tara on the Medium tour broke the ice between us that was there after my ‘bit’ mistake. Can’t say I blamed her for her modesty still feel a little guilty. But the good news is that we needed that second bit and I don’t make so many mistakes after all.

Going back to my Christmas cookies every year around this time I dream about Christmas, for some reason this is the time when I feel Christmas and long for them. In mornings when it is still icy cold and ground is covered with white frost I feel warm from the inside. I impersonate all those emotions people have during Christmas and I never have. ( I even watched a Christmas movie last week!) As always my timing is impeccable.

I got my new ‘bible’- Roget’s A-Z Thesaurus. I just can’t get any geekier! I am starting to slowly accept myself as a writer or truth is told- struggling writer to be! Now we have to see what the rest of the world will think about that!

1. September

So last week our two 4 year old had their 1. September- their first show! When we were there I shared a lot of different feelings.

Young horses are like little children- you take extra care and love for them, you teach and try your best to make a "perfect horse- partner" When they arrive they are so small, so green: they don't give legs, they can't stand still, they are afraid of jumps, no water from pipe and so on. Day by day- they learn and grow - wiser, stronger- they grow into a horse. I have seen this so many times but still feel the same. I am so proud of them when they behave and stand still, jump everything, they look so different they have grown up without you even realizing that.

I also feel sad. it is like they have their own lives now, and you no longer play such a n important role. You have to slowly let them go. There is not much I can teach them anymore as a groom, the rest lays on riders shoulders. But the beginning belongs to me.

Luck for me I still have one kinder gardener. Who I left with the rider a lone for the first time in the begging of September and felt like I am leaving my baby with Nanny for the first time, kept checking my phone every few minutes. O we parents... And thats what we are:)