Horse work abroad!

(Last week I realized that I have learned a lot about working with horses in general in these last few weeks. With my knowladge and experience I'm now able to see things I didn't saw before. So I decided that I could share some of the tips I have learned over the last couple of years! Hope you will find it usefull!)

More and more people are going to work with horses abroad. Some forced by financial difficulties some by a simple desire to try something new. What it really means,  whether it is for you, what to expect, where to find a good job and how to contact prospective employers are only few things to think and take care of before even getting in the plane. Not knowing what kind of job you want, aiming higher than you should, not knowing how to set your expectations can easaly leave you unsatisfied or even cheated.

You should definitely be aware of the reasons you are looking for job abroad. It will help you detune and find what the most suitable work is for you. For instance if you have money problems and you are more or less forced to go abroad to work and earn money you should make sure of how long time you want to stay abroad and what is the minimal amount of money for it to be worth while. Next you should also make it clear if you want to be a rider or a groom. A lot of people expect to ride when they start to work as grooms and are very disappointed to learn that in many stables you just can’t. If you decide that you want to be a rider, again, make sure you’re skills are appropriate. Maybe you should consider taking lessons before heading to future work. If you want to try something new or take some time off before starting to study it could be a great way to do that. When you are working abroad alone it really tempers your will and reveals things you never knew about yourself besides it can also bring a lot of contacts and some lifelong friends!

 Working abroad brings it’s all: hard work, long hours, fun and a chance to widen your horizon. To begin with employers are not always the kindest people, expectations are high. Depending on the job you might have to work alone and spend long hours by yourself or function as a part of a big team and learn to play nice with everyone. It is also important to note that every place you work comes with a different way of doing things, so you will have to be open minded. Therefore multi functionality requires being able to do what is needed at the moment from holding a broom to assisting a vet.

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What to expect is where most of the heartache starts. People often tend to wear pink glasses before they go. Some might think that taking riding lessons twice a week is not much different from working as groom six days from 7 to 5. There are people who go to work as a rider and even if they have jumped at home 1.20 m that they will get a lot of horses to jump and ride. Jobs vary but what remains the same is that you will always have to prove yourself. Expect most certainly that you will have to work your way up and that it will take time. No one just hands you his horse without testing your abilities, commitment and willingness to learn. Bear in mind that even though you are a good rider or groom there can always be people who just don’t like the way you work.

 The best jobs always are the ones you can get trough connections. It is easier to know for bought parties what to expect. But if you don’t have any contacts you can always visit www.yardandgroom.com ! This is the best website in my eyes to find you a job. You can search by countries, by disciplines, or some might even find you. They offer a way to contact employer’s trough email. You can always visit a homepages for different stables you know of and if they have free vacancies sent them a CV. The best way to get a feeling about the job is trough phone. You should always remember to be polite and use all the formalities. For some it might seem self-evident but frankly there are still people who start a conversation with “Hey you…”! Make sure your first impression is professional grooming or riding is a job as any other. When an employer considers you as a possible employee make sure you talk everything trough: work duties, your experience and what kind of person is needed, payments and contracts, time on how long you will work. Check out their homepage. Make sure bought parties are aware of everything and satisfied.

In BOLD! Make sure you and your next employer talk trough all the payment matters! When, how much and how? Keep in mind that contract gives you safety and a legal document to require you’re money. And if you haven’t received your money after one month don’t be naïve or scared to ask!!!

 When you have found your job and all the requirements suits you and you have to know everything you can possibly know pack your bags and good luck!

P.S. Please leave a comment if you found this information helpfull or you have something more to add. 

Roller coaster

Dear diary,

My last couple of days have been full of "getting out" of house. Yesterday we went to a show nearby with our awesome stallion Dark Knight. Once again he proved how willing to win this horse is.
We came home only to repack the truck for today's qualification for Hernings stallion show with our 4-year-old.

But before my long, hard working today me and my best friend decided to visit Jomfu Ane Gade for their yearly Christmas opening. The street was full of people and it was only a little bit after 9 pm. ( In Denmark people fore some reason like to start part at 1 am and end well.. yeah..:) ) Christmas's treas, slutty and nice Christmas girls/dorfs, fake snow, live music and, of course, Christmas bear kept the street alive. I have to admit that I haven't seen anything quite like it.

I also run into a Latvian person who got in shock of how much of an English accent I have developed while speaking Latvian. He also had problems with understanding me speaking Latvian! Yeah, I actually had to translate it in English. ( Great! My high school's Latvian teacher would probably come and hunt me down if she knew how bad my national language skills have become)  But it was nice to meet people and once again stay up a little too late.

We got back early in the morning just for me to get an hour sleep before I had to get up to plate and prepare horses for show. I got another hour sleep in the truck on our way there.
Surprisingly I felt more alive than I expected I also were in luck since there was something to do all the time and very little stress. It was nice to remember my competition days where I was the only groom and we went with 4+ horses. However dressage is a lot different and I do have a lot to learn.... Which is what I'm willing to do:) I also got some new ideas for articles that others who just starts to the road to be a competition grooms might be interested. So more is comming up.:)

Now in my pajamas and with a real food in my stomach I will turn off my phone and give myself fully to bed.
For more information on how it went at the shows click Helgstrand dressage.


-Super tired but happy Zane :)

Dear Diary,

What I have realized is that most of my posts, well okay, almost all of them are about being happy. How it slowly sneaked up on me. And I feel like I haven't been 100% honest neither with you who reads this nor with myself. Almost nothing in this journey of self-discovery "Just happened"! I have bad days too, painful realizations, kicks in the stomach, shameful experiences. Once in a while something incredible happened and it helped to set things in motion, but so those the bad things.
In all this time I haven't been writing I have been dealing with life's not so pleasant reality. I have been chasing the meaning of life or it was chasing me, depends from which side it looks. So I could confess now...
About the time I went to LV for my vacation and came back home and visited bank to find out how much money I had on my bank account (since I have to start paying for my driver's license) I had to sit on my ass and think about my life. For over 6 months I have been telling everybody that I'm thinking about going to Canada at the end of the year. That's what my 10 year old dream requires.
But to honest I hadn't really started to plan anything. Hadn't started anything or finished for that matter. Something always holds me back. I'm kind a like floating around, thinking that I have a goal to fallow. But do I?
A friend of mine told me that: "Canada it's not a matter of if, it is more like when!" It eased my mind yesterday when I was having a really bad day. I'm starting to wonder that if everything happens for a  reason- why am I still here? When I came to Denmark I came for a half a year and now I've been here soon for two. And in the meantime it grows on me.
Would it be wrong to want to stay longer? Wouldn't I betray my dream?

Emily

Make the difference!

Dear Diary,

A while ago I read this book called " A Sister's Promise" by Karen Lanfaster where the main character has this dream about being an artist but she have never pursued it. She is married and has no children. When she goes to visit her husbands parents she learns that his mother used to be an artist but gave it all up to rise her son. When she talks about it with her husband he asks a very simple question that really got under my skin. "What is your excuse?" She didn't had anything to hold her back from her dreams but herself. She chose to never try.
It bothered me- this question. Isn't that we always make some kind of excuses for ourselves? I cannot ride grand prix because I don't have the horse, money, opportunity.. etc. I mean there is so many things we will not have in life. Nothing, after all, comes on a silver plate. Zig Ziglar have once said: "It's not what you've got, it's what you use that makes a difference."
We all have something to start with, maybe you know someone who has horses and need help, maybe you can go and work somewhere for a while gain some experience and later apply to your own work. I mean if you are in the horse world head over heels- then you have at least one thing to start from. Your passion. Take your vision, dream and make it your goal.
Question yourself! Why I'm not as good I wanted to be? Did I do that right? Was that the right move? And don't be afraid to be wrong. Ask yourself why and how I can make it better? What can I do next time to improve my, my horses, my stables performance. If there is something I have learned in these two years then it is that we all have opportunities. It's what we do with them that makes the difference.
I went running last week, I've been running for a while now and I got to my breaking point. The same 6 km I did just week ago were painful and as hard as it could get. But I made it- without stopping. Cannot remember when was the last time I was fighting for something as hard as in that run. Trust me I wanted to quite. But around the 4th km I realized that I will never make it if i will think that I wont. Did I wanted to make it? Hell Yeah! So I changed my thinking. I repeated myself over and over again: "You can do it! Fight for it! You want this!" And I did it.
What I want to say with it is that I used to be the flow. But to get somewhere- YOU WILL HAVE TO FIGHT for it!

-Emily

Voyage

Dear Diary,

I didn't sleep well, had some sort of dream concerning blogging and my sister. Of course, I woke up with a headache. It was early enough to still manage to hate my next door neighbor for sleeping trough her awful alarm. Small pieces of a conversation came back to my mind. I took my phone- had to check! Yeah, my dream wasn't really a dream. Indeed my sister called me late last night; Don't worry I got back to her by calling 6 a. m. ( I devil in me cheered when I woke her up) Anyway the message was something like: "You should write a blog, I want to read something!"
It is funny 'cose yesterday I already wrote a post on my other blog. And yeah once again I haven't wrote for a while. I needed to get trough some things.
I've been wondering all day what it is I'm writing about, since it is and isn't about horses. And here is what I got:
On June 16, 2010 I took a flight to Brussels. That is where my journey started. Almost all of you have heard about backpack travels or at least watched "In to the Wild" ( I have to confess I saw it only few days ago). These kind of travels change you inside out, you meet people along the way and it is priceless, you learn something new. So this is what it is- my own ultimate backpack travel. A journey towards something I'm not sure about yet. I'll probably know it when i get there but why grooming diaries? Simple- my travel walks hand in hand with horses. It is a way how I travel around the world.
So maybe this is for those who longs to put themselves trough this kind of emotional, spiritual and sometimes mind wrecking journey! Or it is for those who have walked this path before and now sees the similarities. Or maybe you are horse lover to whom this is a lifestyle but who ever you are, I hope you like it and you will gain something from this.
Because my journay is not over... Not just yet:)

Bear with me!
 Emily (Zane)


Photo:Linda M

Perfect matches

Dear Diary,

I was thinking about matchmaking today. In equine world there are many different combinations of matches. The rider and horse, the boss and employee, Groom and rider. We all want to find that perfect horse where it just goes. Frankly it doesn’t always happen therefore we have adapted- we have learned to do it anyway and somehow find a way. I’m not saying we shouldn’t but some pairs work together better than others and thank God for that otherwise we wouldn’t have marriages. What I’m trying to say is that this matchmaking goes pretty much for everything.

I have groomed for few riders and I have seen my fare share of horses to know that no matter how good you are there are couples who beats the forces of nature. What one can do easily other can’t. It reminds me of two young geldings we had few years ago when I still owned my horse and from time to time helped out my trainer. My trainer couldn’t put anything on one of them when I never ever had a problem and it went otherwise with the other gelding. I don’t think I remember one time I could get a head collar on that horses head- my trainer had no problems.

Today I was thinking how easy it goes for me today with my rider. Weather it is a perfect match or he is simply easy going and no one have any problem remains a mystery. But I know that I’m glad to enjoy it and I’m starting to get thirsty to get to some shows. I feel rested and waked up from the winter’s sleep.

And now you: What perfect matches have life handed for you? Has there ever been a horse only you can do something with for no good reason? A rider, maybe?
Picture of The Red cat (a.k.a.Garfield) at my old workplace;)

Emily

We are family!

So this weekend is the Open day in Helgstrand dressage. For the last three days we have been scrubbing, washing and cleaning. We have gone trough to all the possible stages that a team can go through on its way to a big event that’s been held at home. I know it because it isn’t the first for me. With a different set of people I have went through endless hours of painting and cleaning and even flower bedding (And if you think that it is funny think twice I hated flowers for weeks). These kinds of events really bring people together- mold the team. Today I realized that I have the opportunity to work with one of the best teams in top level stables and see past the Professional veneer. Today everything was working like a ticking clock. I’m truly amazed- we are a more than a team- we are a family! :) 

Never the same!

Dear diary,

I have been taking care of Lote’s Happy Luiss for this week. Yesterday we had this awesome two hour walk in the forest. Today I just jumped on my rider’s private 3 year old he hasn’t ridden outside once and I dared to walk Happy alone on the field with long reins. I know for most of folk’s it might sound ridiculous. But when you have had this really bad experience with one horse and then wrapped yourself up in a cocoon where playing safe dominates it is a big deal. I felt like myself again the person who could jump up on all kinds of stupid horses and just do what was supposed to be done.

This journey abroad has given me an opportunity to deal with the past’s skeletons, to overcome some of my fears. Now I feel like the last step to a fool recovery could be my riding. During the last few years saying no have became more and more easy. Being afraid is a lot easier. Playing safe too. But the trick is that you miss out on so much.

Today we walked with Lote and one of her sentences got to me. After my black gelding and our failures I will never be the same. „But you shouldn’t be the same!” That’s what Lote told me. So simple. It got me thinking. Life doesn’t happen to give you an opportunity for no reason. I never really got over thinking that changing my mare for my black gelding was a big mistake. I don’t regret it but it was a mistake. What if it wasn’t? What if this experience had to change me in this drastic way and I’m yet to discover all it has brought to me.

I would like to say that it have made me stronger when indeed I felt more scared than ever. Maybe the whole point is to reconstruct my confidence, my feeling on the horse. Maybe this baby step that comes in my way is a way of really getting up. And my desperate attempts to be who I was before that is pointless because I shouldn’t be the same anymore. The movie Soul surfer comes to my mind. The girl so desperately focused on the fact that she will never be the same that she couldn’t see from the beginning that she doesn’t have to. Instead she had an opportunity to do things differently and embrace more people with her one arm that she could ever had with two.

I didn’t lose an arm, I lost my confidence. And I will never be the same! And for the first time in a very long time I think it is a good thing! :)  

In photo: Me and Happy!

One step at the time...

Dear diary,
So I just finished my second assaignment for school. The task was to write a feature based on the magazine I was analyzing. So I desided to write about something I know really well and people haven't really talked about- therefore work abroad.
I have been living and working as a groom outside my home country for nearly 2 years. And I wonder what happens in our heads? There is a wide set of emotions we get to go through every day. What is the difference between me back in 2010 and me today?
2 years ago I was that shy girl who get to be tossed around in the stables and not fully trusted. I slaved my ass off. I spend 2 long months patiently keeping my mouth shut. Grooming then was everything I imagined it NOT to be. Now imagine my dissapointment! But I wasn't to give up.
People sometimes think it is so much different from riding when in reality apple doesn't fall far from the three. Groom has to build his competence and knowlage one step at a time. We have to be patient and we have to take care of everything. I used to think everybody can be a groom but it is far from truth. Today I have worked my way up to a top level stable. And only now I understand that just like your horse wont jump 1.40 m straight away or won't be able to make flying changes on two temps in a split second you wount be trusted and coun't as a professional. You will have to work your ass off. The same way we all do. And there will be sucrifacies But note that in the end it all just pays off.
So I'm good to go and have a nice walk with Happy!:)

well hidden desires...

Dear Diary,

I’ve been a little bit fallen off the map and for that I’m really sorry but this week has been sucking the life out of me. With a little to sleep and the third week passing by without a weekend off- I was quite lifeless. My best friend basically bagged me to go hacking with her at the weekend for three days. I wasn’t sure. So it just happened that I also could go on Friday to walk around with a very nice semi-sized mare. With three and a half months without riding, more than 1 and a half year not hacking and been in dressage saddle only few times- I felt like losing my virginity- awkward, inexperienced and little bit painful.

Today still not sure if it is such a good idea to go hacking into the woods I crawled up on the same sweet horse. I felt better. I hadn’t been riding together with my best friend since my first year in Denmark and we used to ride together every day. It was fun but when we got into the woods. I remembered- the feeling well hidden in the back on my mind. I remembered how much I love riding and hacking. My legs still tried to adjust but my body and mind relaxed with every step. So, that’s what I have been missing out!

And now I feel like the life had got into me, like I’m back in the horse world again, because to be honest I kind a put myself more in my writing world than in my horse world. And that just might give me the perfect scene in my book „The way back home!”

Hopefully it will be good enough to see daylight one day..!

Cheers and I wish you all the best times with your horses!:)

Photo my ex- horse. Photo by linda m photography...

Longings...

Dear Grooms diary,

There have been some changes in my life. Well, for starters I have moved across Denmark. Yup that’s right- me, my best friend 4 enormously big suitcases and 5 hour trip in train. That was after I had my 1 week vacation back in Latvia which is a whole different story from todays. Today I want to talk about longings. And by the way I’m grooming for dressage now.

I was excited to try something new. My excitement lasted only for few weeks since I realized that grooming for dressage is pretty much the same as show jumping, however, I did learned some new things and I keep doing that. What is different? It is much higher attitude towards horses and your work, there are a lot more horses and lot more to think and take care of. Horses come and go. Team stays consistent which is something different from what I had seen working in Belgium. I like it.

The story today is about longings for your own horse. Since this temptation to have one again takes me over more often. When I was 16 I wanted a horse so badly that I would do anything to get it and despite my father’s protests I saved up money and I got my horse and all the responsibility and troubles that came within. I shared some fantastic moments and it is an experience I will savor forever and I do not regret. But I will not argue that my desidions made life so much harder and heartache richer. So here comes what I have learned:

1.       Do think about money! Horse takes a lot of it. When I was a kid I saw it simple- hardest is to buy a horse, but that is not quite true. Bills you will get for stabling, extra food, blacksmiths, competitions and the worst of all vets can become a life sucking monster. The best way to know it- if you can afford this fantastic creature is to calculate your maximum expanses and then add a 100. This amount you should have on all times just for your horse. I’m telling this based on fact that there are horses that needs a lot of extra food or vet checks and if you cannot provide it you might end up in big heartache when your beloved animal is skinny, unhappy and worst of all unhealthy.

2.       Be sure you have the time. Time is essential since your own horse is like your child – it needs attention, care, daily ridings and paddock time. It would be sad if one day you realize that someone else is riding your horse more than you for lack of time and you end up paying for it. Is it really worth it? 

3.       The last but not least important thing would be making sure you by the horse you need. The biggest mistake I did when I bought my first horse was I had no clue what I really wanted and frankly neither did I care as long as it was my own horse. I ended up with a young hobby horse, when in reality I needed an experienced competition partner. Be wise- choose good!

4.       BE sure you have an Access to a trainer. Maybe you feel experienced enough but the truth is that everyone needs a trainer once in a while. Unlimited access can help you towards your goals.

                                                                                                                         

There are more on theme „owning a horse” but these are things I remind myself whenever I’m eager to jump pin this train again. I will one day first I have to stand on my two feet, have my own place, consistent income and time for my partner.

So tomorrow I’m going to see what the buzz around Herning stallion show is.http://www.danishwarmblood.org Make sure to check out next week how it went!

white frost and heart full of hot chocolate

A cup of coffee and some Christmas cookies whit Emily and her Big Big World as a background is a perfect end of a day. Day that started with mumbling over my alarm, a headache and no understanding of why on earth I am so tired if went to bed at ten turned out to be a very good one. I did so much and things just went… It was a pleasant change after my two bad day session from which Friday was a definite ‘left leg out of bed’ day.

I had to turn my works around and start with clipping instead of box cleaning. I managed to clip two horses which is the biggest and most satisfying work of the day. My little striver was striver with the big s! He left me speechless by standing so still and nice while I was clipping. I remembered the last year, when he was more of seaweed than anything else (and I wasn’t even clipping the legs). I am so proud of him.

All day long there were people but nobody seemed to get in my way of doing things and it was quite relaxing. I started to teach my baby horses to stand with the blankets. They are growing up- few weeks from now they will be clipped and wrapped up in blankets, shivering when the cold November wind will caught them unprotected. So much done today and so much to do- the never ending story. But it sets a rest in my soul. I still remember a simple picture from a book somebody gave me on my graduation ceremony in middle school with hot-air balloons and a quote that was something like: “Always dream big, set your aims high so you will always have something to live for, to work for” Humans biggest fear is to stop dreaming and reach their aim that wasn’t that high and have nothing left. I fear the day All my dreams come true- my life will end. That’s why I choose things that can always be brought further ahead. And just like that day I still everyday thank God for so much to do. It is a blessing.

Meline’s third place with Tara on the Medium tour broke the ice between us that was there after my ‘bit’ mistake. Can’t say I blamed her for her modesty still feel a little guilty. But the good news is that we needed that second bit and I don’t make so many mistakes after all.

Going back to my Christmas cookies every year around this time I dream about Christmas, for some reason this is the time when I feel Christmas and long for them. In mornings when it is still icy cold and ground is covered with white frost I feel warm from the inside. I impersonate all those emotions people have during Christmas and I never have. ( I even watched a Christmas movie last week!) As always my timing is impeccable.

I got my new ‘bible’- Roget’s A-Z Thesaurus. I just can’t get any geekier! I am starting to slowly accept myself as a writer or truth is told- struggling writer to be! Now we have to see what the rest of the world will think about that!

1. September

So last week our two 4 year old had their 1. September- their first show! When we were there I shared a lot of different feelings.

Young horses are like little children- you take extra care and love for them, you teach and try your best to make a "perfect horse- partner" When they arrive they are so small, so green: they don't give legs, they can't stand still, they are afraid of jumps, no water from pipe and so on. Day by day- they learn and grow - wiser, stronger- they grow into a horse. I have seen this so many times but still feel the same. I am so proud of them when they behave and stand still, jump everything, they look so different they have grown up without you even realizing that.

I also feel sad. it is like they have their own lives now, and you no longer play such a n important role. You have to slowly let them go. There is not much I can teach them anymore as a groom, the rest lays on riders shoulders. But the beginning belongs to me.

Luck for me I still have one kinder gardener. Who I left with the rider a lone for the first time in the begging of September and felt like I am leaving my baby with Nanny for the first time, kept checking my phone every few minutes. O we parents... And thats what we are:)

31.05.2011.

B-Day’s Discovery Channel

I am turning 20! The second decade of my life has officially started. You know I have never liked birthdays. For some reason they always have liked with disappointments, bad mood and even tears. So some time ago I stopped to celebrate them and it was fine with me. Nobody made too much of a deal of it (Except Lasma of courseJ), people barely remembered.

And here comes another truth. Birthdays is your one special day which kind a shows what kind of a person you are. How many greeting you get, how many long forgotten persons do remember about you? I think it shows how nice of a person you are. And when your greeting count is little it gives you more disappointment than idea that “you do not want to make a big deal of your birthday”. The truth is that no matter how much antipathy you have for this day you will more hate to be forgotten.

I was never the most popular person more like distanced from everyone. I kept myself in a safe zone where I wouldn’t have to risk being friendlier than it was needed. But almost a year in abroad has changed me- it has forced me to adapt faster, to let people in.

And it is overwhelming. The little things I experienced today. My morning started with a “birthday breakfast”. Something I had for the first time in my life. Mia came to stable early and brought me breakfast. We drank coffee and talked about schools and exams and sea sickness (since we bought are the lucky ones to have it), fears and lots of other stuff. I learned that it is something you do naturally, like a tradition. In our family we ate breakfast together like three times a year. So it sound pretty impossible but nice I have to admit. And it is a tradition I will have to bring in my family as well.

Lotte greeted me from the morning as well. She give me my present and four big Danish flags ( It is like a tradition in Denmark to use and give their flag in birthdays and pretty much at any celebration). She took these flags and put them by stable door and inside arena door. A simple gesture, but then again simple moments like this make your life worth living for. It made me feel special.

But day at work was a bizarre. Nothing seemed to go quite as easy as I would like it to go and I almost lost my hope for having a perfect birthday. There was a bizarre with changing the fields and putting a new horse in the pack in which we didn’t succeeded. My boss had to point out more things than in this half year together. I felt like a wreck by the time I was finished and had to go eat without a shower. But…

I got few messages by phone and dozen cyber net greetings, a phone call from my sister and of course a phone call I admit I was waiting the most- my other half my best friend. She can turn my mood up by just laughing. Ou I love you so much! I got few very nice presents and finely a call from my parents. And no matter how much I would tell myself I didn’t care that they wouldn’t call me I was very disappointed that by almost nine in the evening they haven’t called me yet. And then a moment before I was about to take a shower my dad called me. I did however noticed that the conversation went on and on about them. But that’s I guess is a way of coping with our bad relationships when nether one of us know what to really say.And my dad sounded even nervous. But I realized that I liked it that way. In some way I feel more grown up when I don’t have to explain my every move and that my "I know all" dad turns out to be a simple human being. So I did not said anything that would compromise it- even tiny little lies that cover my education. I was too tired to fight in the only conversation we had in months and I am happy for them. as long as they don't start to live my life for me- I am okay with this chit- chat once in 3 or 4 months.

Frankly my mother is a different story. If my dad manages to ask few questions about me as well then my mother would give me a description about bed mattresses. And you really should buy one! You know it is really good for your back! We bought this amazing mattress. And then the conversation went on about plastic plates my dad had bought a day before And what else is new here? By then I had an inside giggle: “I never asked what’s new at their life!” (Not that I don’t really care it’s just that she calls me one time in four moths and gives a description about mattress. You have to admit that that is weird and funny in the same time, but then again my mother can’t be taken serious if you do you might want to kill her) And at the end of the conversation I gave her advice how to rise my youngest sister (she is 12 and goes and does whatever she wants) Well 20 did change things! Suddenly I am capable of giving an advice for my mother on how to be a mother. (Not that I couldn’t give it her before) But I sounded more grown up to myself when I explained something so simple in my eyes. And I might be a good mother one day as well.

I enrolled in a distance learning course in freelance journalism. I made a major decision in my life. I feel like my second decade has started on good note. (Well technically it is the third decade:))

It feels like a good beginning and a good birthday. But really this day showed me the person I have became in the past year, things I have learned and the direction where I am heading. And the person who became 20 today and I discovered moment by moment is a person I actually like to be.

And for those who hate their birthdays- do not imagine this day perfect because it will never be. Things will go wrong (it was a bizarre at work today) but there will be nice moments too- so make them count by remembering them. We can’t change the world but we can change the way we look at it. Happy birthday to everybody!

25.05.2011.

Home is where your heart is...

I used to come to Copenhagen and feel different. I used to walk streets of Koge and have this certitude that everyone knows I am different- I am not from here. Although everyone seem to be okay with the fact that I am non- Danish speaking person, some even found it very attractive still I felt like I quite don’t belong. And it wasn’t like I didn’t like it, most of the time I found it funny and refreshing. I used to make an excuses I wasn’t from here- so I didn’t had to speak or really understand them speaking. I had an excuse to not know towns, roads and buses.

Yesterday I went to shop to buy some batteries for my mp3 and I cashier started to speak with me. He asked for a change because he didn’t have anything to give me back. Even if I didn’t understood the words particularly I understood what he meant. And when he was waiting for me to answer I told him the same phrase I wear like an old sweeter (the one who protects you, makes your excuses). But I felt guilty and to be honest I no longer felt different. The society had accepted me- I had adapted and changed so much that I no longer felt like someone from abroad- I felt like Danish.

It is frightening in the same time- almost too easy to become someone else. Or am I? It is almost too easy sometimes to forget from witch country I am originally, almost too easy to dress myself in this new mentality.

I live here for 9 months now. And it make me wonder- is it possible to be born in the wrong country? And if not do I betray my nationality by finding my heart elsewhere? I grew up in a society who hasn’t forgot that they have been captured and they had to fight their freedom. And with “national patriotism” as a mantra we were brain washed. There is no better place than home, but isn’t home where is your heart? I think it took me all this time to get over this “if you leave Latvia you are lost and mole”. Now I can look back knowing that they was wrong and right in the same time.

There is nothing for me back in Latvia. I have found happiness (as corny as it sounds it is true). I belong outside Latvia. Am simply born in the wrong dot on the map and leaving is best I could ever do. But this cure doesn’t work for everybody. Most of them were meant to be born inside and their hearts do belong there. My home is somewhere else.

What happens when you find your missing piece?

Missing pieces

In life there are these happiness moments where time stands still and you don’t mind. At these moments sky seems to be bluer and sun brighter. Normally it happens when something some peace falls in where it is supposed to be. It is the click when you turn the key and the door opens. It is the moments we get the message from universe. That we find ourselves in the right place at the right time and the radio plays the right songs. Moments like this I can’t stop smiling. Moments like this you can do anything but you don’t have to…

Today I found my missing piece. When I left Latvia last June I wanted to find something. I was confused, skeptical and unhappy. I had no idea who I was and what I wanted to do. My head was staffed with ideas that I have to study and study something I can make a living of, not really caring if I love that. I was afraid and all I dreamt of was getting away. Somehow I knew that if I stayed I would drown myself in sorrow and grayness. It was like all the shadows were hiding in the back of my mind.

And when I went away I found a person I knew nothing about. I met her when I landed in Copenhagen’s airport. Yes, she was scared and unconfident. But during this journey she grew like burgeon into flower. Colors and life started to reflect in her eyes. She changed. It is a wonderful journey in which I found out who is she.

And today she and I became one person- we found our missing peace. And it is writing. During the last week I have become from ‘I just want to be a writer’ to ‘I actually do something to be a writer’ and it feel good. I am reading and writing to train my fingers and I am studying the art of creating plot and characters will (hopefully) stay in mind. And that’s it. At this point I do not care f I will ever be published – I just want to write. I think I was domed to this when I was four or five years oldJ when my grandma tried to teach me how to read and I (lazy I know) read the story by looking at the pictures. My grandma figured that out and started to put a hand on pictures while reading. And the thing is that I always have liked to tell the stories. So I think I should do that. And I should finely read some of Stephens King’s booksJ.

Anyway I hope there is a chance for everyone to find his missing pieceJ!

P.S. I will write how things in stable are in the next blog:)

dressing off...

So like I promise on twitter here come a blog. It has been a busy week. Days have been running in an incredible speed, but in short…

Last Sunday we came back from a quite a big show which took place in Fredericia Which by the way is my number one show right after JBK show in Odense. I liked this show for many reasons. First of all everything was there and it was well organized. Lorry, well it was standing next to the stable (it couldn’t possibly be closer). Our horses were right in the middle of the stable so I didn’t had to go a long way after water. Our neighbors were so nice. Everyone learned very fast that I am not (still) speaking Danish so they were speaking in English. And I realized that it is true- with every show I gain my confidence as a groom. And this show is special also because it honored groom’s work by giving them free lunch ( which by the way was like a restaurantJ) and also calling 3 first place winner grooms to prize ceremony and giving them something too.

Unfortunately, since the luck this time wasn’t really on our side I didn’t have a chance to go to this prize ceremony. But it didn’t ruin the show in any matter at least for meJ! And it was exciting to wash classes’ not to mention scary too. Classes were difficult and very technical. And lot of good Denmark’s riders was attending so it was quite a showJ. They had a six bar (for those who do not know what six bar is it is six jumps in row and riders are competed on how high they can jump) that completely tested my nerves well it was more like a four bar since there were only four jumps (arena was too small for six) and the highest jump was 1. 80m. But it is still high and scary. But anyways I think this show is worth to go if you have a chance to – no matter if you want to simply watch or test your master hood.:)

On Monday we were going to one of my bosses (the youngest daughter- A) birthday. It was a close family sitting in her small but completely adorable apartment. I felt a little uneven from the beginning. But the atmosphere changed it. And I looked as they met long time none seen grandmas and grandpa. And there was something magical- I couldn’t stop smiling. My Danish is poor so I couldn’t understand most of the thing the spoke but for some reason I felt good. Well it could be partly because of the call I received from my best part of me Mandy (I have changed her name for a privacy reasons). With a simple “O sweetheart- you are perfect did you know that?” She swept me of my feet. And what I love about her is that still after all these years of friendship where we practically know each other she still manage to surprise me by telling me the things I need to hear in the right moment….

That is how friendship works and how I imagine true love should work…

On Tuesdays evening I went to Copenhagen because I had an appointment in Latvian embassy for changing my passport. So I stayed at my friends place. And to honest her house is a place I imagine to live one day (something similar not that house of courseJ) It has big wide windows it is simple but still modern, and it has its personal library since my friends mom is a journalist ( I guess I just met a connote soul). But they are always very welcoming and make my stay there very pleasant.

As it comes to Copenhagen- I love this town! I breathe it in inch by inch. What I like about big cities is that in small doses they serve us life. There is not one corner where somebody wouldn’t do their everyday routine. The center is full of people and cafes and shops. I met up with my friend Erin (I also have changed her name) and we went around the shops and have a cafe latte in a very nice cafe. What I realized about myself is that finding a way in Copenhagen s quite natural for me when finding the right buss in Riga is almost impossible for me. And what I love about Denmark is people. They are kind and helpful( with some exceptions of course) J!

And finely on Saturday I went to my other bosses birthday. And as sat there once again not understanding a word I realized that there are two kinds of languages we offer. One is what we understand most it’s I speak Latvian you Danish or English. But the other language is the body and behavior language we might not notice if we speak in same language. What I saw and felt was an acceptation. I felt accepted. And suddenly the things that make me different ( big earrings I wear, dress that is not so formal) and uncomfortable from the beginning becomes a part of me I like and I accept myself as I am. And it is a strange thing that when you feel happy and accepted and do your thing- clothes (that usually serves as our way to fit in or to hid our selves or to call for attention) doesn’t matter. You smile and talk and enjoy yourself not thinking about that you don’t have the fanciest dress or the most expensive necklace and earrings. And it sets you free. Turns out there are more ways of being addicted than we think and on the right path we take them off one by one.

So good night everyone…

changes

I guess it has finely become a time for me to do some writing. It has been almost nine months since I left Latvia and seven since I live here in Denmark. And sometimes even if there is not much happening beyond the surface there is a big iceberg moving under it.

There is an important thing that we all are afraid of. It is the change. Somehow it is in human’s nature to try to stop things from changing. We are afraid to get out of our familiar causality even if it makes us miserable. Right now all I can remember is trying to get out. Get as far away as I possibly can. And when it finely happened I was freaked out. First two months was tough and not only because I had a creapy job and things didn’t worked out the way I liked. But now when I look back I realize that those two months were my breaking point. In the same way it happens with all the young horses in breaking in process. They intend to fight the change, the struggle to keep things like they used to be. And after this breaking point they emotionally accept the change and start to work with people not against it. They develop trust that if it’s not broken will guide them through their lives.

So I needed these two months to break myself and accept the change. And what I develop after my breaking point was a trust, but since I already had burned myself and been betrayed it is not the thing that comes so easily. But I have learned that there is good in world and that there was good in my life all along.

Today I understand that no matter what- you can’t run away from your past. There will always be a moment when you will have to be brave and face it, after all life has this ability to cycle. And no matter how hard you try you can’t get rid of the people that have hurt you ( like family), because from time to time you will think about them, about what have happened, and even if you don’t want to admit running away still provide an ability to control you in a deep emotional way. But what I also understand that that it is possible that these people never meant to hurt you just to help you in the only way that they knew. Today we cannot exist side by side. But one day they will have to accept their breaking point as well and then who knows.

But what I have learned in these nine months that instead of running away I ended up moving on. I am changing with every day. And first time in m y life I don’t fight it. And I believe that it is the first step on finding my own way. But to move on means to forgive and let go of past (it only hunts us because we refuse to let go). And that is more difficult that it sounds. But I guess it takes time. And that is the only thing I have. Now that I am moving on I can become whatever I am meant to be and even if it is not today I will let it go… indeed I already have started to let go…

And I wonder how wise I have become in these nine months. J And soon is my birthday- I am turning 20. And I should feel old (that’s what most of people in my age feel – have no idea why) but instead I feel young- my life is only about to start. Andin few years I will be even wiser that today. That’s the thing about future- you will never know- you will have to let it happenJ…